Chennai Diary

Sunday, 7^th December 2014, 20:00

Last year in November, my parents in Delhi met with an accident. I was working for an earth moving equipment manufacturer in Chennai then.

No train tickets to Delhi were available that night. And apex fare in airlines was close to Rs 20,000. Delhi is 2100 kilometres away from Chennai. There was no other way I could go to Delhi. I hated Chennai for many reasons, that night I hated it for being so far from Delhi. I cursed the moment that brought me to Chennai.

On 7^th December 2013 I took a vow. I promised myself that I would not shave my beard till the time I return home, to my family in Delhi.

Today while I celebrate my birthday with my family in Delhi (for the first time in last 8 years), I am feeling nostalgic for Chennai. It was this day, a year back, when I actually started falling in love with this city.

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My affair with Chennai started when an interviewer, during my college’s placements drive, asked me “What if our company decides to post you in Chennai?”

Fearing a negative response to this question may hamper my chances of selection, I said “Sir I am adaptable. I can go anywhere.”

Interviewer smiled and said “I have two things to tell you. You are selected. You are going to Chennai”.

I landed in Chennai on the night of 31^st July 2011. That night was horrible.

My company had booked a guest house for me which was only 10 Kilometres away from the airport.

I decided to take an auto from the airport. But with no common language between the autowallas of Chennai and me, negotiation was definitely not an option. I could not find any pre-paid booth. As a result, I had to pay a whooping Rs 800 to the autowallah for dropping me at guest house (that’s Rs 80/km. India’s Mars mission was Rs 7/km).

The next few days were even more terrible.

I was like an alien in the office. I could not understand the language my colleagues spoke. I ate only idlis and dosas every single day. Chennai was so hot and humid that I had to change my clothes at least thrice in the day. There was nowhere to go in Chennai. I spent my weekends sitting at home and watching TV. My room mates in PG left the room because of my typical “north Indian habits”.

It took me 6 months to find someone whom I could call a friend. And I found three of them at once. Ironically none of them were from the North. They all were from different states of South India-Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Kerala. We decided to stay together.

We took a 2 BHK flat on the East Coast Road on rent (By the way, East Coast Road runs parallel to the eastern coast of India, with Bay of Bengal on one side and eastern ghats on the other side. Absolute Bliss.). We stayed together for 1 year and every single day became unforgettable with them around. I didn’t really start liking Chennai, but with them I became more tolerant towards the city.

We four shared similar interests. We loved travelling and bike rides. We often went to beach and spent hours discussing about girls, politics, religion, sports and everything else that existed under the sky. We had English breakfast and Ibaco’s ice creams for dinner.

We were crazy bunch of guys. When Cyclone Thane made a landfall on the Tamil Nadu coast we decided to chase it from Mahaballipuram to Chennai on our bikes. We were fearless.

Beautiful things don’t last forever. The Malayali in our group found a job in Gulf, he moved out. The Tamilian in our group was next to go. He had found a job in Qatar. A month later, the Kannadiga went to Germany. By August 2013 everyone had moved out and I was left alone in Chennai. I decided to continue in the same house.

A cousin and a school friend came and stayed in Chennai for a few months in between. But like many others, they didn't like the city and they asked for a transfer from their respective companies. Their companies obliged.

Then last year in November, while my parents were going for a marriage, a lady driver lost control of her car and rammed her car into my parents’ car. My parents were seriously injured. I was informed about their accident on phone. Sitting alone in the house, 2500 kilometres away from the spot of accident, I shouted for help. I called up every person whom I thought can help me financially or otherwise. I was desperate to go to Delhi, but I couldn’t.

On my birthday I promised myself that, I will not shave until I return to Delhi forever. I started discovering a new Chennai from the next day onwards.

The Indian economy was in a bad shape then and automotive industry wasn’t hiring much. But I had to go back, preferably with a job in hand. I decided to give interview for every company that could take me to Delhi, irrespective of the nature of job and industry.

I travelled in local trains and buses to reach to the venues. For the first time I discovered that the local trains in Chennai were the most joyous way of commuting within the city. I sat on the doors of the train and observed the bustling city outside. Trains were not even crowded like Delhi’s Metro. The buses were equally convenient. The fares in buses were as low as Rs 2.50 (conductor returned 50 paisa coin).

Locals I met on my way were courteous. They helped me locate my destination. Some shopkeepers even went to an extent of drawing a rough map when they could not communicate the directions to me properly. Contrary to my belief, they all knew English very well. And they understood enough words of Hindi to comprehend any sentence spoken by me.

I gave interview for a BPO, an Event Management firm, a Consultancy, a Logistics firm and a truck manufacturer. These interview took me to places I had never been before - Santhome Basilica (One of the only three churches in the world to have been built over the tomb of Jesus’ apostle), Broken Bridge (an unfinished bridge on Adayar River; the only place in Chennai where you can see sunrise and sunset), Santhome Mount (You can see the entire city from the top of the hillock. And if you love planes, you can watch them take off and land all day as the runway is in the vicinity), Crocodile Park (Have you ever seen 1000 crocodiles at one place?) and Marundeeswarar Temple (When doctors give up, patients come here for treatment. Hear their story; they are unbelievable, but true)

My neighbours started interacting with me for the first time in last two years. They invited me home for dinner and on festivals. They sent food whenever something special was cooked in their kitchen. I tasted Chettinad cuisine for the first time; it tasted better than Kadhai Chicken I found a beautiful Marwari family, who promised to provide me lunch and dinner, every day for a minimal charge.

I continued to go on beach in the night. I spent hours sitting alone and watching waves hit the shore. The noise of the waves made me forget all my problem and worries. I could spend my entire life sitting there.

For the first time, I started interacting with my colleagues in the office. I shared my problems with them. They informed about it to my Team Leader. My Team Leader offered me assistance in bring my family to Chennai. He assured me that company would reimburse every single rupee of their relocation. It was a humbling experience.

Obviously I didn’t accept the offer but for the first time I realised how ignorant I was about this city and its beautiful people who were always ready to help.

I started finding solace around my colleagues, my neighbours, sitting alone on beaches and roaming on Chennai roads. But when I returned home every night and stared at mirror, my ugly face reminded me of my unaccomplished mission.

It took 8 itching months to accomplish my mission. It was 26^th of July 2014, when I finally bid farewell to the city I had started loving. My neighbours had packed food for me for the train journey; my office colleagues brought their cars to drop me till Railway station.

On our way, every single traffic light turned red for us as if the city didn’t want me to leave. The train was delayed by a good 2 hours from the station. For the first time in 3 years, I wasn’t desperate to go back. Waiting for my train at the iconic Chennai Central, I wanted the time to stand still.

I reached Delhi on 28^th morning. The first thing I did was I shave my beard.

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Some Pictures:

A Page From My Diary....

23rd January 2006
23:01

I found a superhero in me today.

I saw the movie Spiderman today for the first time. It was coming on HBO. While watching that movie I saw a striking similarity between Peter Parker and myself-our thoughts, our looks, our beliefs, our sacrifices, our lives and our love....

Like Peter Parker I wear a frame on my glasses which my friends often say belong to the era of grandfathers. It is black in colour, thick framed and covers half of my face. My friends often make fun of me, but I like wearing them. I personally don't like those rectangular frames. Like Peter Parker even I have an urge to look nice with a prime motive that the girls walking past make a notice of me, the same way they make notice of Pranav Mittal, whom every girl wants in the school. Peter Parker has a secret world of his own in which he lives, when he is alone. Even I have two sides to my personality: one that I show to the world when I am in my class or with my family at the dinning table and the second when I am all alone in my room, behind the closed door. Like he is a subject of humor, even I am a subject of humor all the time among my classmates. And like him, even I have a "Marie Jane" in my life, she is my close friend and the way I feel for her, I don't feel for anyone else in the world.

Dadaji expired last December, and I remember during his ill health days, he often used to tell me, that there are very few men in this world who live for their dream. He said that although every one dreams while they live, but very few live for their dreams. And those who live for their dreams, they know that they are here on this planet for a special purpose-to fulfill their dreams. Only last week after I got up in the morning, I realised that I am here on earth for a special purpose and the God has given me that power-a strength to live for my dream. I dream to be a Soldier. I dream about it all day and night, since my childhood. Every time I see a movie based on army, it moves me. I am here on earth to fight for my country, to save it from the enemies and may be die performing my duties....

It was my farewell day before yesterday, when Shagun came to me and told me something that I was waiting to hear all my life.

She told me that I mean a lot to her. She feels incomplete without me. She can't think of living her life without me and she realised all this when our school was off during winter vacation. She loves me. The way I took care of her, she confessed no one ever has ever taken care of her. And she went on....

And as she was speaking, I quietly turned back and started walking away from her. And while I walked away, a tear came trickling down my eye. I could not tell her how much I waited for this moment all my life but I could not not be hers because I am here for some other reasons. I was born to be a soldier and can't give her a false promise that I will be with her all my life, because life of every soldier is written on the bullet of enemy. I can't be hers.

As Uncle Ben said "With great power, comes greater responsibility"

DREAM UNLIMITED

Every child when young has thousand dreams in his mind. Young boys often like to be a pilot, while all little princess wants to be a beauty queen. In some other cases it might be a doctor, an actor, a cricketer and a fraction aspire to be Shaktiman too. As a child grows so grows the complexities around him and he is made to realize the biggest lie of the world “one can not always get what one wants”. So the aspirations of the child wash away with time and a child who once wanted to be a doctor, now try finding out all means to get rid of his studies after passing 10+2. Some limited number still remain stick to there childhood dream, but that dream matures, for good, with time. I was one amongst the limited number.

As far as my memory goes, when I was young I often told people around me that I want to be a Commander, a character on television. Commander was a well built, with a moustache on his face, who was an Army officer. He was my hero. My craze for him was so much so that my relatives and people in my friend circle started calling me Commander. This was the birth of my dream. Years later, one fine Sunday my dad came to house and gave us a sudden surprise. He had tickets to an Oscar winning Hollywood blockbuster. I never ever had seen an English movie before. We went to see the movie. A board outside the Theatre declared the name of the movie THE INDEPENDENCE DAY and a still from the movie was put up outside that showed a gigantic object hanging on top of the Empire State Building and destroying the structure by emitting a green laser. The next two hours, changed my life forever. The film was all about alien’s plan of invading the earth, fighter planes, aerial combat, a cool black pilot whose maneuvering techniques outsmarted those of the super advanced aliens(Will Smith). At the end of two hours, I decided to be a fighter pilot. I still remember whenever I was alone with no one around I would sit on a chair and assume I was flying plane by holding an imaginary joystick and producing sound of the engine from my mouth. I fancied flying an aircraft so much that even while I was sitting on a commode to shit, I would presume I am sitting inside a cockpit and I would consider myself into a similar situation as that seen in the movie. Later I came to know that pilots for the Air Force are trained in National Defense Academy, Khadakwasla.

For the first time when I shared my dreams with my parents, I got thumped by my father. He shouted at me, “You know what NDA is? Or you just heard the name from someone?”

I took science after 10^th, even after the insistence from the closest corners of mine that I should opt for commerce as I was below average in Science. But for me choosing commerce meant “end of my dreams”. During the two years of 11^th and 12th my passion to join defense forces multiplied. One of the major factors was the movie Lakshya. I had always been compared to Hrithik Roshan by my cousins for my looks. I could relate myself with the character of Hrithik, Karan Shergill, in that film and Hrithik became my favorite actor.

By now I had began to believe that I was sent on earth by the God to be a fighter pilot. I was born to fly. When my friends were dreaming about their girls, I was dreaming about Fighter Plane. But on the other side my academic results were degrading everyday. I was often told by everyone that my initial decision of taking sciences was wrong. And this was giving my family nightmares. They had had enough of my day dreaming of joining the defense forces. What I was able to see for myself, nobody else could. So the problem arose and I became a laughing stock in my family and friends. The world, to me, had become my enemy. At times I tried convincing my self that may be what others say is right and I should grow up now. I started doubting my dreams. But there was some voice inside me that refused this school of thought. This was the time when I started writing. I passed 12^th exams somehow cribbing, crying and spoiling nights of people around. I gave NDA exams but couldn’t clear the entrance. I was yet again asked to change my line and take admission in BBA. I yet again refused and join engineering. I chose Mechanical as candidates of this branch have better options in Air Force. And chose my college, on just one parameter of it’s; It shared a boundary with Air Force Station, Gwalior. The college turned out to be a fake and my future was at stake. But I was having a ball, watching planes flying all day over my head. So much was my obsession for my dream. Meanwhile I yet again attempted for NDA.

In the month of December, my dad called me up an told me that he had received a letter from 1 Air Force Selection Board, Dehradun asking me to come for the Service Selection Board Test in February. But there was a big obstacle before me, my test dates clashed with my University Papers and I had to choose between the two. Without even a moment of hesitation, my choice was clear. I had a date with my dreams……

I started my preparations for the D-day. I ran 4 kms every morning before I exercised for another half an hour and additional half an hour in the evening. I started taking bath from cold water, to make myself tough. I regulated my eating habits. I played lot of video games to make my reflexive skills sharper. I came to know people in defense forces use lot of abusive words and I was a kind of guy, who would think 10 times before calling someone gadha. I became fluent in the weirdest abusive words. And I did all this in secrecy, not even my room-mate knew what I was up to. I was simply following my instincts. Dhoom2 was released during those days, and everyone was aware that I am a die hard Hrithik fan, hence the assumptions were quite obvious. “Safal Mahajan copying Hrithik Roshan”.

There was always some unknown Force, in the entire process that kept helping me moving forward towards my dream. As if it had hold my hands and was helping me through every elimination round of the test. From day 1 in Dehradun to the final day in Bhopal, despite of numerous obstacles I sailed smoothly. I passed the test. Although a minute formality of merit list was remaining, on the basis of which successful candidates were to be sent to Khadakwasla. Going by the records, very few unfortunate ones miss the train to Pune. I was optimistic. I was going to NDA. My dream was accomplished. I felt like conquering the world. I called up my Dad and when he asked “Who is this speaking? Is it you Safal?” I said proudly, “Nope! Lieutenant Safal Mahajan.” My act was pre-meditated.

The wheel of fortune that was moving fast in my favor began slowing down. It was 7^th of June. Merit list came out and my rank in the list was 458. I came to know that authorities in the NDA had closed the admissions at 445. For the first time in NDA, admissions were close below 600 ranks, mainly due to the new Pay Commission that was scheduled to come in the following month that would increase the income of an officer by 5 times, hence very few students had backed out. My dream was over. Later my college also refused to accept me back as it is. They demanded a hefty amount. I never gave any entrance exam for that year so I couldn’t have got admission in any other college. As expected, tension gripped my family. Everything was over for me. That Force which had once held my hands, seemed nowhere near. I wanted to cry out loud, my tears also betrayed me, not even a drop fell. I was in depression.

3 months later my dad called me up in Bangalore. Luckily I had got an admission in the Management Quota of a Bangalore college. He had received a letter from the Bhopal Selection Center asking me to appear for a selection test. I had completely forgotten that while post my NDA debacle, while my family was looking out for an alternative to bring me back from the dead end of life, I had applied for a technical course in Indian Military Academy, Dehradun. Crazy me! But the history repeated itself yet again. I had to report at Bhopal on 5^th of October, and I had my college exams starting from 4rth. I yet again had to make a decision. “What to do? What not to do?” situation kept going through in my mind day-night. But when I took decision it was just a moment and since then I never looked back. I simply closed my eyes. The first thing that came to my mind was NO.

Today I am proud of my self not because I proved others wrong, but I proved myself right. I have begun trusting my instincts irrespective of what other says. I have stopped believing in stars or omens and have become a karma-yogi. I have stopped expecting things and started believing that if you dream something in your life and you are ready to eat, sleep, and drink that, you can get what you want. I have found the elixir of life. I learned to be practical in life. I began believing in God unconditionally. Since childhood, I was living under this pre-assumption that whatever happens to me my Mom and Dad are always there to take me out of the problem. I have stopped assuming it now. I believe, it’s my fight and I must fight on. Fear in me still exists, but the newly born courage helps me to come over it. Most importantly, I have started dreaming again and that too on a much larger scale.

I know, I am not a Superman with superpowers in me. All I know is that I am an ordinary human who dared to dream, what fate had for me is a different part of the story. But I DARED TO DREAM. And believe me if I could reach my dreams, anyone else can. Dream on guys……..