Journey From Jasola

Blessed are those who do not have to travel from Gurgaon to Jasola every day. 

Those who travel are footiyas.

– Safal Mahajan, A footiya

                                         

Office      : Jasola, Delhi

Home      : Gurgaon, Haryana

Distance : 29.1 Kilometers

The Grid Line

It’s 6:30 PM by my watch and I climb on to my bike to go back home.

I have barely started moving and I already see a traffic jam at the intersection.

Carwaalas are trying to manoeuvre through deep potholes. Delhi Jal Board have dug up both sides of the road. Pedestrians are walking on road. Trucks carrying construction sand and stones are polluting the air with black smoke.

In the middle of all the chaos, Rikshawaalas are randomly coming in between the cars to find their way forward. Their rikshaw handles are rubbing against the cars stuck in traffic jam creating long scratches on the painted metal. Carwaalas are shouting abuses, but rikshawaalas don’t care. Yeh hai beech mein ghoosne waale footiye.

I somehow manage to reach Mathura road.

Lap 1: Mathura Road

There is a flyover at 100 meters. I should take the U-turn from under that flyover. I go straight under the flyover and take a U-turn.

I can see a traffic light. It is red. I am not stopping at this. I see a cut on my left. I take the left and enter service lane. Policewaalas have put a barricade on the service lane to teach a lesson to footiyas who act smart.

I turn and go back to the cut and re-enter the main road.

Traffic light turns green. There is a train running parallel to Mathura road on my left. Scenes from Dil Chahata hai flashes in my mind. I decide to race with the train. I accelerate 70.. 80.. 90.. Press hard brakes. There is a traffic light again. I curse my luck. Train wins the race.

Lap 2: Outer Ring Road

I take a left from Mathura road and climb up Modi Mill waala flyover. Who gave that name to this flyover? Surely some footiya.

I see a 6-lane road almost lying empty in front of me. Wow! I engage the highest gear and full throttle down the Modi Mill waala Flyover. Then climb up Kalkaji waala flyover in all gusto. I see an advertisement of my company’s car. I feel proud  to be working in this company as I reach on the top of the flyover.

Once on top I see a traffic jam starting exactly where the flyover ends. A temple constructed in the middle of the road makes the 6-lane road into a 2-lane road. But because of religious sentiments involved no government authority will demolish this temple. This spot has been witnessing daily traffic jam for a decade now. Aur aaj phir wahi footiyapa hai.

Cars, buses, trucks, autos are struggling to pass through the bottle neck. I try to steer through them driving my bike into every inch of free space available. I cross the bottle neck in less than 5 minutes.

Its 6-lanes again! Chalo traffic toh khatam hua

I speed up my bike again and reach Nehru Place waala flyover. There is another massive traffic jam waiting down the flyover.

A wise senior in my office once told me “delhi ke traffic jam ki chaabi hai, gaadi ko humesha left mein rakho”.

I take my bike to the left most lane and ride adjacent to foot path. Though I move slowly, but I keep moving unlike the vehicle on my right, that are stuck to their place.

I cross Chittranjan Park, Greater Kailash, Chirag Dilli.

I reach Panchsheel Colony and I am bored of travelling so slow. I see a cut on my left. I enter the service lane. Its empty. A sabziwaala at the cut greets me with a smile. I smile back at him. Dilliwaalas are so courteous. I ride on the empty service lane.

More than a kilometre later, I see a board that reads DEAD END.

I go back to the beginning and stop in front of the same sabziwaala. Footiye bata nahi sakta tha aage raasta band hai?

I enter the main road again and continue to move slowly till IIT Gate.

Lap 3: Aurobindo Marg

Its all about spotting Qutub Minar.

A two kilometre stretch that caters to traffic of four major malls of Delhi, three super speciality hospitals, a five star hotel, Mother’s international School, Aurobindo Ashram, Adhchini Village, IIT Delhi, NCERT Office, a showroom of Yamaha, Hero & Renault Cars, a world famous monument and above all a CNG gas station. Did I mention about the traffic going to Gurgaon?

Town planners added icing on the top by installing 3 traffic lights of 90 seconds each on this road.

Stuck in a pathetic traffic jam with nowhere else to go, I remove my helmet to breathe free. It is already wet with my sweat.

I see a driver of an ambulance blowing horn frantically but there is not even an inch to move.

A carwaala next to me rolls down his window and says “Yeh toh saala roz ka tanta hai.. pata nahi kaun planning karta hai?”

Footiya karte hai uncleji.

After crawling for 20 minutes I see a glimpse of the world famous Qutub Minar. The monument marks the end of this road (and the torture). I turn ON my left indicator and turn to Anuvrat Marg.

Lap 3: Anuvrat Marg

I turn ON my right indicator as the road turns naturally towards right. I see a traffic light. Surprisingly all three lights - red, yellow and green – are switched ON at the same time. Confused, I stop at the light.

Rukh mat footiye, yeh lights khraab hai  shouts the man from the car behind me. He keeps blowing horn until I move. Horn maarna band kar footiye.

I jump the traffic light.

I turn ON my right indicator again as the road naturally turns towards right again. I see a traffic light again. All three lights - red, yellow and green – are switched ON at the same time again. Deja vu! I stop again at the light.

Abe footiye chal na, tu rukhta kyun hai? shouts the same man. His car is still behind me. I jump the traffic light yet again.

I turn ON my left indicator as the road now turns naturally towards left. I see another traffic light. But this time none of the three lights are working. I look into my rear mirrors if that man is still behind, he is not. 

Oh my God, he is on my left! He rolls down his window to warn me. Footiye, iss waali mein rukiyo,dekh saamne thulla khada hai.

I stop and wait for the signal from traffic police waala.

I notice a massive traffic jam just 100 meters ahead of me. A speeding metro passes by my right into a huge station that reads CHATTARPUR.

Lap 4: Mehrauli-Gurgaon Road

Did I die? I pinch myself. No I am alive.

I was riding normally on the MG Road when a speeding Toyota Fortuner overtook me from left. I was only millimetre away from being thrown away by SUV. For a second my entire life flashed before my eyes. Yeh left se overtake karne waale footiye.. kabhi nahi sudhrenge

I regain my composure and start riding again. There are street lights on MG Road but none of them are functional. The only source of light is my bike’s headlight and night’s moonlight.

The road is empty and well tarred. Even a speed of 60 km/hour seems slow to me. The traffic signs on the road side prescribe the maximum speed limit of 80. I increase my speed to 95 km/h.

I suddenly turn blind, everything is white in front of me. I think there is a car speeding towards me. Am I on the wrong side? No I am not. The carwaala is driving on the wrong side of the road.

I slow down by bike, but the carwaala doesn’t. Accident is imminent. I bring my bike to a complete halt and frantically wave my hands signalling the carwaala to stop. A Mahindra Scorpio stops just centimetres away from my bike’s front tyre. A gujjar rolls down his window and shout. Footiye raaste se hat warna lappad khayega mere haath.

I give way to the Scorpio. Saale ulte chalne waale aur high beam use karne waale footiye.

I start yet again, this time very carefully. Now I know MG Road belongs to Footiyas who own SUV. I reach Gurgaon border with utmost care and constant humiliation of a band of Scorpio, Bolero, Fortuner waalas shouting throughout my journey abe footiye bail gaadi chala raha hai?

Lap 5: Gurgaon

I enter Gurgaon and take a U-turn for DLF Phase 3. I know I am only two minutes away from my home. Or maybe 5 or may be 10… 15?

Two carwaala are fighting in the middle of the road. Seems like one of them has accidently smashed the other one’s taillights. A traffic jam has started piling up because of their fight. 

Abe side mein gaadi karke lad lo yaar. Beech sadak par ladne waale Footiye.

But I need to reach home. I take my bike inside a petrol pump and exit from the other gate. I climb up on a footpath. Footiye yeh footpath hai chalne ke liye, sadak nahi  shouts an aunty.

I run my bike on empty plots of land, inside rainwater drain, on the heap of sand near a construction site. Dogs chase me as I ran my bike over their tail. Yeh footiye kutte.

Victory Lap

Its 9 PM and I reach home. I need to open the gate. I find it difficult to get off the bike. My crotch is frozen. I walk toward gate in the frozen position. I am looking like an alphabet Y turned upside down.

Two pretty girls out for a night walk see me walking like that and giggle. Hema woh dekh, footiya kaise chal raha hai.