Men and Prejudices

This incident happened 2 months back.

I was coming back from my office after a tiring day. I walked up till a point from where I could catch a share-auto. For those who have never been to Chennai, share-auto is mostly like any other city auto (a little bigger in height though). They are modified to add an extra row of seating behind the normal seating area. The cushioned seat of the auto is pushed back to the rear and an additional wooden plank is added in front to accommodate more people in a single pool trip.

Usually when a stop arrives, everyone in the front row of the auto, need to get out making way for people in the rear. That day when the auto reached my stop, a lady in her mid 20s, sitting in front of me, didn't move at all.

“Ma’am, would you please excuse me?” I requested her politely. Generally the moment these auto stops anywhere, everyone in the front row involuntarily steps out of the auto. This is an unsaid instruction. But she was different, maybe someone new in the city. The young lady yielded no response to my request.

I noticed she had plugged head phones into her lobes. I repeated again, raising my voice a little more than the last time.

“Madam, move out” 

“This man is trying to touch me” Her index finger was pointed at me.

She still didn’t move an inch. On the other hand, realising that no one is getting down at the stop, autowaala slowly began to accelerate the auto.

I hate it when people plug headphones into their ears in public places and become immune to their surroundings, only causing inconvenience to people around. Irritated by her behaviour, I tapped on the edge of her shoulder this time.

“Excuse....” But I had barely finished my sentence when she suddenly became animated and shouted with terror.

“This man is trying to touch me” Her index finger was pointed at me. The auto had already picked up some speed by then.

All of this happened so abruptly that her accusation actually threw me in a self doubt if I really touched her at any wrong place.

Anna (the autowaala) stopped his auto on one side of the road immediately and asked me to come out (and the lady finally gave me way to go out).  A couple of passer-by stopped to check what had happened. While coming out of the auto I knew language would be a major barrier if I have to explain my innocence. I didn't know Tamil and autowaalas in Chennai know little English.  Castration was on the cards.

Holding me by collar, Anna had just closed his fist into a punch, when an old lady from inside the auto started blathering something in Tamil. A minute later, autowaala left my collar and got inside the auto. Passer-by left. Anna cranked his 2-stroke engine and gave race. The auto was moving again. The young lady peeped out of the moving auto and said a simple “Sorry”.

As the auto got disappeared in the traffic on ECR, I, still standing there at the spot where autowalla had held my collar tried to recover from the incident that just happened with me, or rather could have happened with me. From the sequence of events, I could guess that the older lady narrated what actually happened inside the auto.

While everyone keeps talking and writing about prejudices against women, by doing so the society also gives birth to prejudices against men.

But I still couldn't understand why would that young girl react like that? What did she think I was? What wrong did I do that made her petrified to this extent? Just because I am a guy and she is girl, does not mean I would always seek an opportunity to touch her or anyone else for that matter. Did I have any other option to let her give way for me? For a moment I thought I should chase down the auto and tell her ‘My Name is Safal Mahajan and I am not a rapist’. But then I remembered, Shahrukh’s movies do not run as much here in south.

This incident brings to light an important aspect of the society we live in today. While everyone keeps talking and writing about prejudices against women, by doing so the society also gives birth to prejudices against men. One of my female friends makes this point quite often “All men are hungry dogs” and I would generally laugh at it. Little do I realise that she is putting a label against me that isn’t easy to wash away.

Labelling anyone for that matter is wrong. It is like saying “Islamic extremists”. Extremism of any kind and type is bad, be it done by a Hindu, Muslim or a Christian. Why should we label an entire religion just because some individuals from that religion chose an extreme path?

This is important here because experts in psychology believe that by labelling an entity, human mind tends to associate those entities only with their labels (Though sometimes they have a positive affect too, like for example “German technology”). As a result, every time you talk of Islam, the first impression that most human mind will get is that of their extreme behaviour. Even “Saffron Terror” for that matter.  Saffron no more inspires Indians to think of courage and sacrifice-the reason for which this colour is on our Indian flag. On the same lines, The Delhi Gang Rape case of 2012 seems to have added a label with men-Rapist.

....by labelling an entity, human mind tends to associate those entities only with their labels.... The Delhi Gang Rape case of 2012 seems to have added a label with men-Rapist.

Even on the first anniversary of that unfortunate incident, there were pictures published in newspaper of ladies carrying placard that read,

“It is the men who are the real problem of the Indian society and not the women”

Another card read “Don’t tell your daughter not to go out, tell your son to behave properly“.

In the incident of Delhi Gang Rape (or even Mumbai’s Shakti Mill Gang Rape Case), what many don’t realise is that if there were some obnoxious men who committed the crime, there was also one gentle soul (a man) who was equally thrashed by the goons while trying to protect the lady victim. In fact if the newspaper reports are to go by, in Delhi’s case the body of the victim was lying on NH-8 for a long time before a passer-by, a man, informed the police.

The feminist groups protesting at Jantar Mantar against the anarchy of Indian Men have clearly failed to realise that the fear that has spread in the society is not a result of the mayhem created by men. Delhi Rape Case was a law and order problem. A group of miscreants could dare to do a dastardly act of this amplitude because they were not afraid of the law.

And it’s not only the feminist group holding placards at fault; the perception of the society on a whole has swayed in an “anti-men” direction. Most of us live in a bubble that “my father, my brother, my boyfriend/husband and my son are the only gentleman left in the town”. While the truth is that, even they are perceived as “potential rapist” by somebody as close as our best friends.

Is this a sign of a healthy society? No it is not. It is important to bridge this gap of mistrust between the two genders for the betterment of the present and future. And this confidence building exercise can start within our own houses. While parents need to educate their boys about sensitivity with which they should treat a girl, women should also be advised against having a pre-conceived opinion about every man in town. Also parents should stop seeding fears in the minds of their daughters that a city is unsafe for woman after 9. Walking alone, on a dimly lit, lonely road at midnight is as dangerous for a woman as it is for a man. So if daughters are unsafe in the city, what makes your son so brave?

 Parents should stop seeding fears in the minds of their daughters.... dimly lit, lonely road at midnight is as dangerous for a woman as it is for a man.

On a personal level, we should make an endeavour to stop labelling cities, colour, and habits in terms of gender (Pink is not a colour only meant for women). Women need to take a leap of faith and try to bridge the gap because fear will only spread more fear. Men, unlike women, have characteristics that make them susceptible, but blaming them for “being hungry for flesh” is too much of an accusation. Accept them for the way they are and you will feel protected. After all it was a man who was primarily responsible for abolition of what was once considered the worst curse to a woman-sati.

Just for record, My Name is Safal Mahajan. And I am not a Rapist.

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